Oh, those were the days....

Remember the limbo? Or "couple skate"? What about the game where everybody skated to a number on the wall and when your number was called, you had to skate to another number? Eventually, only one group of people was left.
I just took a trip, er, a skate, down memory lane recalling the days of Friday nights at the skating rink. I took Farmer Boy and the Princess to the roller rink. I mean, "Inline Skating Arena" tonight. It's been about 15 years since I used roller blades. And as I recall, the last time I used them I was wearing a cast. The cast was not a result of the roller blades, just an added accessory. I was pretty adept on the roller blades then, skating miles at a time.
Yeah, not so much tonight. The last time I used roller blades I was used to working out no less then 4 days a week, didn't have a child attached to each arm, did not have thighs compliments of one said child and did not eat leftover mac-n-cheese off of the other kid's plate for lunch and call it a meal.
Anyhow, I thought I would give it a try. I started out in roller blades, took one spin around the rink. Then I returned to the counter for the gramma skates (you know, the ones with 4 wheels and a brake). My daughter said her skates had four wheels too. Thanx honey, but yours are all in a line. Mine are positioned to balance the excess baby weight.
Wow, I was impressed with myself then.
"Look how fast you go, mom," the Princess said before the evening was over. "Yep," was my brief response, but I smiled inside. I do still have some athletic ability hidden inside me.
Wait till dad sees this, I thought to myself. He offered to take them skating tonight, even though he did not grow up with the luxury of Friday skate nights. Actually, he didn't grow up with the luxury of running water in their school in kindergarten. But that's another blog entry.
Anyhow, I think his offer was more to get out of giving the younger two kiddos a bath. Or maybe he just wanted to get out of the messy house (that was my reason). I mean, I was looking forward to spending time with the older two and showing off my now-hidden athletic ability.
I also didn't want dad to attempt skating and, as we say, 'break a hip.' He is a little older than me in case you haven't guessed.
So off we went. Two hours at the rink. The Princess skated backwards a few times and only fell twice. She also made it through three rounds of the Limbo. Farmer Boy did not fall at all and is feeling pretty confident for the upcoming hockey league.
Me, meanwhile, I'm just excited I didn't do the splits or fall on the little guy that ran into me. He laughed when I said it was a good thing I didn't fall on him.
Seriously buddy. Do you know many kids and mac-n-cheese meals it took to me make get this way? And how many Friday skate nights to erase this baby weight?
Now, off to find some Tylenol P.M.

"Hello, Nice to Meet You....."

"Hello. My name is...." "Bye. See you later."
I know someday, those greetings will flow naturally out of our children's mouths. But for now, we are left with much more creative responses.
Farmer Boy, age 7, stuck his tongue out at someone he didn't know when the gentleman spoke to him at a store. The man is someone I know, so let's just say that was pretty embarrassing. Farmer Boy was lucky he was in public. Otherwise, well....
Usually he and the Princess just smile. Or hide behind me.
Cookie Monster (just one month shy of age 3) has the best response lately:
"Hi turd!" This is generally shouted. Although yesterday at church, he did say softly to a friend: "Hi turd."
However, the volume shot straight up when we left the paint-your-own pottery place recently. Luckily, the clerk was a young teenage girl and didn't quite have a degree in baby-speak yet.
But Cookie Monster shouted (rather plainly I thought): "Bye turd!" I quickly grabbed his hand and escorted him to the car.
Someday, that fine greeting will come. Probably when I'm sobbing too much to understand as he pulls out of the driveway on his way to college....

I'm Busy

We were enjoying the wonderful weather today, with a heat wave (55 degrees) moving through the area. Farmer Boy, the Princess and Cookie Monster were all outside playing for a few hours after school. Cookie Monster needed to refuel by filling his sipper cup. So I filled it for him and he took it outside.
An hour later, he came inside and asked for milk. I asked him where his sipper cup was. "Outside in the play house," was his response.
"Go get it," I told him. I'd like to add that I said "please," but at that point, probably not. I know, I'm a bad mom.
So he went outside and quickly came running back in.
"Where is your coat?"
"Outside," he said with his determined voice.
"Well, go get it while I fill your sipper," I said, again withOUT adding please.
"I'm busy," he told me.
What? As you tell me every day, you are "two-halfs." What exactly are you busy with?
Maybe mom better get busy teaching one little guy how to listen....

Glorious noise

When I was listening to music recently for our kids' K-4 grade school choir to sing, may daughter gladly offered her suggestion. We had just finished listening to "Awesome God," a common church praise song, when I got the mood to listen to something, er, what shall I say? UN-church music.
I was taken back to the conversation I had with my sister prior to her wedding. She said she wanted to have a very popular song for the wedding party dance: "You Shook Me All Night Long." I laughed and said, sure, whatever. Inside, I was thinking no way is this pregnant woman (me) dancing to that in front of a bunch of people with someone I didn't want to dance with in the first place. I can't remember what song she even chose.
But I felt the need to listen to that song recently, so I pulled it up on the Internet. When I stepped away from the computer, The Princess cranked the volume and began dancing. I have to admit, I was dancing too.
Then, she asked a hilarious question, "Can we sing this at church?"
I'll have to check with pastor on that one.....

Here come the COPS!

For once, they are not after me for speeding. I mean, for going too slow. They could have been looking for Farmer Boy today.
We went to our local shopping mall -- Wal-Mart. He needed batteries for a reading light. LaRue wanted to eat the package, so I asked Farmer Boy to carry them instead. Well, that didn't mean all the way to the car!
We got out to the car and I noticed the package in his hand. I asked if we had paid for them and he gave me the typical male response: "You told me to carry them." Mothers everywhere would be proud of me. I didn't scold him. I didn't even raise my voice.
Instead, I calmly strapped everyone in their seats and said I had better go back in and pay for them. On the way to the self-checkout, I commented to the clerk that their security alarm must not be working really well. She smiled.
I paid for the batteries and proudly walked out with a smile on my face. Inside, I was relishing the life-lesson that I was teaching my children.
Now what was the life lesson I was teaching them five minutes later when we stopped by dad's work and I handed him the keys and said "YOUR son just stole something from Wal-Mart. And LaRue and Cookie Monster about got us kicked out of the movies. Where are your keys? They're all yours." (This was said in one breath, by the way).

These boots are made for walkin'

Next time you pass us on a gravel road and you see Farmer Boy and the Princess walking, no need to slow down. I have 2 rules in the car: wear your seatbelt and NO shouting -- absolutely! Well, I had had enough of the fighting, pummeling, pinching, scratching and kicking. So I did what I have threatened to do: I stopped the vehicle (actually slammed on the brakes) and made them get out and walk.
Don't get all worked up. We were on a flat road and I made sure there were no cars nearby. Two cars did approach on opposite roads. They stared a little, but I think they could figure out the kids were in trouble.
Maybe that deduction had something to do with the tears flowing from their eyes. Or the stuff running out of their noses.
Meanwhile, I could not keep a straight face. I was so glad we were on a road that was conducive to making them walk. I had stopped before, but we were on our hilly gravel road. I'm all about responsible parenting, so I didn't think it would have been appropriate to make them get out and walk. This time, I was more than eager to stop. And guess what, the fighting stopped too. At least for that evening.
Now today, that's a different story.
Hey kids, wanna go for a car ride???

Oh Darn

Cookie Monster is certainly growing his vocabulary. He has recently informed us of several interesting things:
1. He is "in charge!" When asked who told him that, he'll mention Morgan, a friend of ours. Funny, he hasn't seen her in quite some time.
2. He likes the four-letter word that starts with a "d."
3. He got in the car recently and informed us "Damn, it's cold in here."
4. Then, a few days later he was looking for some makeup brushes he was playing with. He wanted to do my makeup. So, he asked his sister (ever so politely) where they were, "Damnit, where's the makeup?" How do you scold him after that?
5. Most recently, the cat made a mess in our house. Daddy was gone, so I was left cleaning it up. After I finished, Cookie Monster walked throughout the house, "Damn cat. Damn cat."
6. When something gets messed up while only Cookie Monster and LaRue are home, Cookie Monster quickly has an answer. "(Farmer Boy) did it." Whatever, he's at school.
He's there, learning who REALLY is in charge. Because let me tell you Cookie Monster, it's NOT you.