Lesser Loser

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."  ~ John 14:12
I'm just a couple of days into Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Study based on the book "Greater" by Steven Furtick. As I scanned the table of contents prior to starting the study, I was quickly intrigued by the second chapter: "Lesser Loser Life."
Furtick describes his "lesser loser life (as) the opposite of everything greater that God has called me to be." I had to keep re-reading that statement to let it sink in. Lesser loser moments in my own life started coming to mind.
Namely, my current mission field: mom and wife. As with most women, I struggle daily with feelings of guilt, doubt, regret and fear. Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? I should've said this. I should not have said that. Why did I do that? Oh, I've made them so mad.
A tape reel is constantly running in my mind, making me question all I do as a mom to my own basketball team of kids and as a wife to an amazing man.
Furtick admits to similar feelings in his leadership as a pastor.
He admits that "in those same moments when I've questioned my calling and wondered whether I have what it takes to make a difference, I've simultaneously been a part of something greater than I even knew to dream about."
So true. As my reel replays, I paused. As I'm questioning my calling, God is at work in our home. In my life. In my children's lives. In Tracy's life.
That brought to mind something I learned long before I had kids. Prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked in underage drinking prevention. There were no accolades, no numbers to prove our work was successful. Our only hope was that one child's life would be saved. If that was the case, we were successful we told ourselves. My boss said at one time we were "doing the work of angels."
That has always stuck with me and even more so since I've become a mom.
No one is there each day to tell me I'm doing a good job. No financial report says, "way to go!" The boss isn't recommending I get a raise. Often, the work I do is quickly torn apart, dismantled, dirtied or spilled.
I question myself daily. Even though God promises in John 14:12 and many other times that He will lead us to do great things, I still question whether I am capable.
Much like my work prior to having children. I AM doing the work of angels. More specifically, I am doing God's work.
He blessed me with my dear husband and our 5 babies. There will be struggles. I will doubt and question myself, but as a mentor told me years ago: "The days are long, but the years are short." I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that, as Furtick pointed out: "God doesn't do greater things exclusively through great people. He does them through anyone who is willing to trust Him in greater ways."
Some days, though, when the laundry is piling up, food is sticking to my feet as I cross the floor and children and fighting, it's hard to draw up the strength.

That is why God alone can do Greater things. Not me. I just need to trust Him.

Year of Changes

It's been awhile since I've posted. I guess I've taken the lazy way of sharing my thoughts on Facebook. I've also started a Caring Bridge site for Tracy, since we started care again for symptoms related to the carcinoid cancer he first faced in 2002.
A lot has changed since my last post on here. Tracy's dad, Norman, was called home on October 30, 2011. It was very unexpected and shocking. He had lived a very full and active life, but since Tracy worked with him every day, it made the loss even more profound. There have been so many changes on the farm. His mom, Elsie, has proven what an amazing woman I already knew she was. She has shown her tenacity to continue on the farm and her strength to make it through the long, cold, winter days alone. She never ceases to blow my mind. I am so thankful she is in our lives.
After Norman died, Tracy's health just continued to go downhill. At first, I blamed it on grief. But after some time, I knew what those symptoms indicated. He started treatment earlier this year and has been doing better. More can be found about that at www.caringbridge.org/tracystromberg.
Our munchkins are still busy. Farmer Boy is moving on to "Big Boy" stuff, like trying to sneak a ride on the four-wheeler by himself, hockey games, basketball, guitar and other things. The Princess is not such a Princess anymore. What I mean is, "LaRue" now claims SHE is the Princess. The original Princess, well, she willingly has given up that battle. She is more into sports, wearing shorts year-round (much to her teacher's chagrin) and pinning for a BB gun for Christmas. She is so much like me. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. Poor thing.
Cookie Monster is growing into his little HUGE personality. I really think that boy is an old soul. He has a grown up sense of humor, insightful thoughts and a temper to match. Grandpa Norman always laughed at him and probably is getting a good chuckle from up above.
LaRue -- aka "Princess Bella" -- is all pink. Everything -- clothes, toys, books, walls, bedding -- pink, pink, pink. She says she is going to be a Princess when she grows up.
God's Grace is such a heart-warmer. She is full of smiles and goofiness. She reminds me a lot of Farmer Boy, just happy and bouncing with energy. Her recent broken arm has not slowed her down. In fact, I think it acts like a "Superwoman" cape for her. She has taken to diving off the couch, dancing on moving toys and just practicing acrobatics.
It is never dull here, but I love each and every moment God gives me with this house full of blessings.

Eleven years ago..

Eleven years ago today I woke up late, with eyes puffy from crying the night before. Some family members had upset me. Eleven years ago I drove to the hair salon, butterflies in my stomach, to get my hair pretty. Eleven years ago today I ran out the front door to greet the FedEx man with a hug. He stood there, looking stunned, wondering why this woman with the beautiful (at least I thought) hair was hugging him and screaming in excitement. He just didn't understand the peace he brought me -- the joy that would set the tone for the next 11 years. It was only a piece of paper, how could that bring me joy?
You see, he brought a copy of my birth certificate. Yes, it took a trip to Tennessee on the way from Lincoln to Columbus, but it meant I was free to travel to out of the country. (It wasn't until a year later -- after the 9/11 attacks -- that I would need a passport to travel to Jamaica.)
Eleven years ago today, I married the most amazing man in the world. He is my best friend. He understands me, sometimes even more than I understand myself. He helps me learn to be patient. He helps me to step back and see the big picture. He helps me to realize that the small things are not things to lose sleep over. He helps me to love others for who they are and to look for the good in them. He loves me unconditionally.
That piece of paper the FedEx man brought arrived just in time to head to the church and marry Tracy and allow us to leave for a week to begin our life as husband and wife.
What an amazing day! Much like the weather today. But my heart is much fuller. I didn't know that was possible.
But yes, Tracy, it IS possible: YOU MAKE MY HEART SMILE!

Be Still and Know...

"Be still and know that I am God." Wow. How hard that is to do. I have been trying to instill those words in my mind, my heart and my being for some time now -- especially when it comes to parenting. It's challenging, though, when I am bombarded by the pressures of life: wife, mom, nurse, teacher, referee, cab driver...the list goes on.
But when I do take the time to "be still," I'm amazed at how much He blesses me. It might come in the feeling of a weight, a burden, being lifted. That moment where I pause and remember why I love my children so much. That moment when I have that fleeting feeling of why I married this wonderful man 11 years ago.
Don't get me wrong, it's a struggle to "be still." But when I do, oh how He touches my life. In turn, my life (hopefully) touches someone else when I see all He has given me. God is good!

Getting me into trouble

"(Cookie Monster) is trying to get me in to trouble," LaRue came crying down the stairs. Really? How can he be doing that?
How funny I thought? I think that's my excuse (albeit unspoken or hidden) when I do something wrong.
Satan got me in to trouble.
The tv got me in to trouble.
That box of cookies got me in to trouble.
That gossip magazine got me in to trouble.
And, finally, (and maybe the one I try to justify the most), the salesperson got me in to trouble.
How easy it is to blame others for our mistakes and sins. LaRue was blaming Cookie Monster for "getting her in to trouble," but little one, why are you even out of bed at this hour I wondered?
It reminded me of the many times I have failed to take responsibility for my own actions. It made me think of a loved one who's stuck doing that consistently in their own life.
So many Bible stories come to mind when I think about how easy it is to fail to take responsibility for my own actions: Adam blaming Eve, Eve blaming the serpent, Abraham and Sarah...the list goes on.
Thankfully, I have the promise that God forgives all of those sins, or my failure to even acknowledge them. I am also quite thankful that He has given me the desire to teach those same principles to my little babes.
That way, when someone is "trying to get me into trouble," they will know WHO to turn to and where to turn AWAY from.
Sweet dreams LaRue, Cookie Monster, Farmer Boy, the Princess and God's Grace!

Conspiracy Theory

What kind of conspiracy do God and LaRue have?
Yesterday was another whopper at church.
After realizing that Cinco was wearing LaRue's tutu (a nine-month-old in a 4T tutu), I realized LaRue had her dress unbuttoned ALL the way down the front flashing everyone. When I told her to button it, she took it off. Instead of setting off a screaming fit, I just let her stand there clad in only a shirt and pull-up (which was covered by undies??).
When I went up to lead the children's choir, she tried to follow me and was screaming when Cookie Monster stopped her. He yelled, "Mom has to go teach," which brought giggles from much of the church.
I'm sure everyone loves seeing us sitting in the fourth pew from the front. Last week, when her shoe fell off on the way back from communion she plopped herself on the floor and screamed "My shoesie. My shoesie!" Mind you, we were the first people in line, so everyone had to wait for her. When we returned to the pew, she stood on the seat. I told her to sit, she looked at me with a serious face and sternly replied "No." I tried to hide my smile.
It was a different story when later, she stood again. Again, I said sit. "No. No. No. No," she said seriously.
I snatched her up, took her to the step outside and had a chat. All the while, she sat there with her sweet little hands folded in her lap and her head down. That girl makes me laugh, while at the same time she drives me crazy.
I have no doubt God is using her to teach me about patience, the Biblical patience described in Galatians. Cause heaven knows I can't handle her independence on my own. And, seriously, just where does she get this desire for independence from??? (Stop laughing.)
I know God is laughing.

Just a singin'

Just yesterday I was watching TV with Cookie Monster. I know, you're supposed to limit the amount of tube time, but we just enjoying some cuddle time while it rained outside and the clouds passed by.
We were laying in my bed when his favorite show, "Mickey's Clubhouse," came on. Not only did he sing the theme song, but out of the corner of my eye I saw his arms moving about. He was doing the actions too. I just smiled and laughed so hard. I asked dad to come in. He laughed too as the entertainment continued. We've never had one of our munchkins sing as much independently. Dad on the other hand.... Maybe that's where Cookie Monster gets his talent.
He'll kill me for sharing this, but I came down the steps years ago (a couple of kids ago, 4 in fact) to find dad moving his arms in the air and singing to the "Wiggles" theme song. In his defense, he was not standing up dancing. He was sitting in the chair.
But, NO children were in the room with him! I haven't caught him doing that since. Maybe it's because The Wiggles are no longer on the air.
Hearing Cookie Monster sing the Mickey Mouse song is better than his other recent tunes:
-"Take Me Down to the Little White Church" -- this is not a Sunday morning singing tune
-"I'm Pretty Good at Drinking Beer" and
-""There's Always Something Going On Down in the Trailerhood."
Those songs would be compliments of the usual country stations we have playing at home. I, on the other hand (said with much boasting:), usually have KLOVE playing and from there he learned:
"My God Reigns."
Now, time to go teach him something new....
"Schlemiel, schlimazel, hasenpfeffer incorporated!"