I'm just a couple of days into Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Study based on the book "Greater" by Steven Furtick. As I scanned the table of contents prior to starting the study, I was quickly intrigued by the second chapter: "Lesser Loser Life."
Furtick describes his "lesser loser life (as) the opposite of everything greater that God has called me to be." I had to keep re-reading that statement to let it sink in. Lesser loser moments in my own life started coming to mind.
Namely, my current mission field: mom and wife. As with most women, I struggle daily with feelings of guilt, doubt, regret and fear. Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? I should've said this. I should not have said that. Why did I do that? Oh, I've made them so mad.
A tape reel is constantly running in my mind, making me question all I do as a mom to my own basketball team of kids and as a wife to an amazing man.
Furtick admits to similar feelings in his leadership as a pastor.
He admits that "in those same moments when I've questioned my calling and wondered whether I have what it takes to make a difference, I've simultaneously been a part of something greater than I even knew to dream about."
So true. As my reel replays, I paused. As I'm questioning my calling, God is at work in our home. In my life. In my children's lives. In Tracy's life.
That brought to mind something I learned long before I had kids. Prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked in underage drinking prevention. There were no accolades, no numbers to prove our work was successful. Our only hope was that one child's life would be saved. If that was the case, we were successful we told ourselves. My boss said at one time we were "doing the work of angels."
That has always stuck with me and even more so since I've become a mom.
No one is there each day to tell me I'm doing a good job. No financial report says, "way to go!" The boss isn't recommending I get a raise. Often, the work I do is quickly torn apart, dismantled, dirtied or spilled.
I question myself daily. Even though God promises in John 14:12 and many other times that He will lead us to do great things, I still question whether I am capable.
Much like my work prior to having children. I AM doing the work of angels. More specifically, I am doing God's work.
He blessed me with my dear husband and our 5 babies. There will be struggles. I will doubt and question myself, but as a mentor told me years ago: "The days are long, but the years are short." I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that, as Furtick pointed out: "God doesn't do greater things exclusively through great people. He does them through anyone who is willing to trust Him in greater ways."
Some days, though, when the laundry is piling up, food is sticking to my feet as I cross the floor and children and fighting, it's hard to draw up the strength.
3 comments:
This is a wonderful post! It's funny, I do work outside the home and I often feel the same guilt but for different reasons. It's hard - it's really hard and as we constantly question ourselves, we are undermining the importance of what we have been called to do.
Thank you for sharing this!
I also have 5 babies under the age of 10 and I homeschool. There are soooo many days that I feel like I'm a failure because I didn't get this done or because I don't do this with my kiddos...but God has called me to homeschool and I am going to give it all I have! (Also my name is Megan too! great name. :)
Your heart cry could be my own. This blog really blessed me. I pray that the Lord stops that reel playing in your head and that He blesses you in your mission field. Who knows what plants/fruits will grow from the seeds you are sowing into your spouse and children. God bless you! I am mama to 4 whom I homeschool and would love to have more but my lesser loser life tells me I am not a good enough mama. Praying for us both sweet girl.
Love,
Jennifer Newsom
OBS Group Leader
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