Lesser Loser

"I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."  ~ John 14:12
I'm just a couple of days into Melissa Taylor's Online Bible Study based on the book "Greater" by Steven Furtick. As I scanned the table of contents prior to starting the study, I was quickly intrigued by the second chapter: "Lesser Loser Life."
Furtick describes his "lesser loser life (as) the opposite of everything greater that God has called me to be." I had to keep re-reading that statement to let it sink in. Lesser loser moments in my own life started coming to mind.
Namely, my current mission field: mom and wife. As with most women, I struggle daily with feelings of guilt, doubt, regret and fear. Am I doing enough? Am I doing too much? I should've said this. I should not have said that. Why did I do that? Oh, I've made them so mad.
A tape reel is constantly running in my mind, making me question all I do as a mom to my own basketball team of kids and as a wife to an amazing man.
Furtick admits to similar feelings in his leadership as a pastor.
He admits that "in those same moments when I've questioned my calling and wondered whether I have what it takes to make a difference, I've simultaneously been a part of something greater than I even knew to dream about."
So true. As my reel replays, I paused. As I'm questioning my calling, God is at work in our home. In my life. In my children's lives. In Tracy's life.
That brought to mind something I learned long before I had kids. Prior to becoming a stay-at-home mom, I worked in underage drinking prevention. There were no accolades, no numbers to prove our work was successful. Our only hope was that one child's life would be saved. If that was the case, we were successful we told ourselves. My boss said at one time we were "doing the work of angels."
That has always stuck with me and even more so since I've become a mom.
No one is there each day to tell me I'm doing a good job. No financial report says, "way to go!" The boss isn't recommending I get a raise. Often, the work I do is quickly torn apart, dismantled, dirtied or spilled.
I question myself daily. Even though God promises in John 14:12 and many other times that He will lead us to do great things, I still question whether I am capable.
Much like my work prior to having children. I AM doing the work of angels. More specifically, I am doing God's work.
He blessed me with my dear husband and our 5 babies. There will be struggles. I will doubt and question myself, but as a mentor told me years ago: "The days are long, but the years are short." I'm trying to take comfort in the fact that, as Furtick pointed out: "God doesn't do greater things exclusively through great people. He does them through anyone who is willing to trust Him in greater ways."
Some days, though, when the laundry is piling up, food is sticking to my feet as I cross the floor and children and fighting, it's hard to draw up the strength.

That is why God alone can do Greater things. Not me. I just need to trust Him.

Year of Changes

It's been awhile since I've posted. I guess I've taken the lazy way of sharing my thoughts on Facebook. I've also started a Caring Bridge site for Tracy, since we started care again for symptoms related to the carcinoid cancer he first faced in 2002.
A lot has changed since my last post on here. Tracy's dad, Norman, was called home on October 30, 2011. It was very unexpected and shocking. He had lived a very full and active life, but since Tracy worked with him every day, it made the loss even more profound. There have been so many changes on the farm. His mom, Elsie, has proven what an amazing woman I already knew she was. She has shown her tenacity to continue on the farm and her strength to make it through the long, cold, winter days alone. She never ceases to blow my mind. I am so thankful she is in our lives.
After Norman died, Tracy's health just continued to go downhill. At first, I blamed it on grief. But after some time, I knew what those symptoms indicated. He started treatment earlier this year and has been doing better. More can be found about that at www.caringbridge.org/tracystromberg.
Our munchkins are still busy. Farmer Boy is moving on to "Big Boy" stuff, like trying to sneak a ride on the four-wheeler by himself, hockey games, basketball, guitar and other things. The Princess is not such a Princess anymore. What I mean is, "LaRue" now claims SHE is the Princess. The original Princess, well, she willingly has given up that battle. She is more into sports, wearing shorts year-round (much to her teacher's chagrin) and pinning for a BB gun for Christmas. She is so much like me. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. Poor thing.
Cookie Monster is growing into his little HUGE personality. I really think that boy is an old soul. He has a grown up sense of humor, insightful thoughts and a temper to match. Grandpa Norman always laughed at him and probably is getting a good chuckle from up above.
LaRue -- aka "Princess Bella" -- is all pink. Everything -- clothes, toys, books, walls, bedding -- pink, pink, pink. She says she is going to be a Princess when she grows up.
God's Grace is such a heart-warmer. She is full of smiles and goofiness. She reminds me a lot of Farmer Boy, just happy and bouncing with energy. Her recent broken arm has not slowed her down. In fact, I think it acts like a "Superwoman" cape for her. She has taken to diving off the couch, dancing on moving toys and just practicing acrobatics.
It is never dull here, but I love each and every moment God gives me with this house full of blessings.